Death.

First off, RIP Michael Jackson. I don't understand how people can not mourn his death. Although he had a rough few years, there is no denying the impact he had on the world around us. Pop culture, American culture, World culture. He was one of the biggest idolized people around, like, ever. Everyone has a memory of him. I'm choosing to remember him for all that he was really for...the king of pop culture. His music is wonderful and that's all that's going to be in my head when i think of him from time to time, since I know it will happen.


Billy Maize...or however you spell his name. He's actually a lot more popular that you think he would me. He was a common topic of conversation at my work. His products and his booming voice will also be remembered.

Last of all, the concept of death. I'm not afraid of it. Not at all. As weird as it sounds, if I knew I was dying, I wouldn't really live too much different. I might want to try more new things, but that's no more special that what I"m doing now, which is the same. Death comes, it's the inevitable, and I'm okay with that. i've accepted it. I don't understand people being afraid of death. It's going to come weather you like it of not. Maybe i"m just weird, but death doesn't bother me.

I look sad.

for the past week, a great deal of people have been saying how sad I look.
Two days ago, at work, a statement was mad saying it seemed like I was going to cry. Weird.
I feel weird, but not sad. And don't feel like crying.

I think I'm really tired lately. Overwhelmed. Not enough time to do things I want to do.
SOOOON, I'll do stuff for me. I'm just waiting. I don't know for what, but i"m waiting.

So a combo of the two makes me feel like i'm getting sad. lol. It's stupid. I want things to get bitchin.

LET'S GET BITCHIN'

In a perfect world...

Is it possible to like someone, but have sort of a "what if" person there too?
Like, "if this person was down, I'd totally drop everything to be their other half!"
I wonder because sometimes it's an impossible thing for someone to be there for you again. People move away, fall in love with other people, go through complications, have obligations, so on and so on...whatever the case may be, that person may not always be available to you. But the "what if" thing will be there. So is that wrong? To like someone but then have someone that you will always wonder "what if things were perfect and we...(insert desire here)" and have a special part in your heart reserved for them? And I don't mean celebrities...I mean real people such as your first love or the person you fell the hardest for, or the person you lost it to, just a in general special person...almost like a dream person.

what about in love? Can you be in love but always have that person you would want to be with if the situation were possible? Would that even be love if you had someone else you wish you could be with?

So my take on it is if you just like someone, you may have someone that you will always want to drop everything for if the situation came up...but not in love. If you're in love, you shouldn't dream of being with other people, because that's not being "in love" with someone.

maybe I'm just making "being in love" out to be something more than it is. I really wouldn't know the power of it since I've never been in love...but I think it should be something powerful like that.

like like like.

I love when someone asks if you like someone. And you tell them how you like them indicated by the number of times you say like. they ask "Do you like them, or Like Like Like them?" makes me laugh.


Why do we like the people we do. More importantly, why did we like the people we DID like before? What made us change our minds? weird.

what's more weird is wondering why people like/did like you. Like Like Like you. What makes now different from then? What if they will always like you? What if you will always like them?

life goes on. Broken hearts continue to crack. People continue to ponder these questions.
I don't want to. I'm wanting to be free from this. I want to JUST LIVE...however am incapable.

grrrr.

Hmmm. I feel weird.
Things feel weird. I don't know what it is.
I'm unsure of what's going on at the moment, what I'm doing, and where I'm going.
I like to have a plan. I like to know why I do what I do, and why I feel the way I do,
but lately, there is none of that going on. Unlike me. One moment i'm at an all time high, then I'm down and feel like curling up with a good book and just cuddle with teddy freddy and waste my day away. I'm not thinking anything through lately and I know it's going to get me into a world of trouble, but since I'm not know what's going on, I'm not caring either.


This is bad. I feel weird. cool. I don't know what I have to do to get over it, but It's going to happen.

Kissing.

really, I wonder this all the time when I'm kissing someone.
Who decided the action of kissing would be an act of affection?
I know we're animals or whatever, and it probably derives from that, but still...

I wonder like, who invented the kiss...
it's just weird when I think about how SO many years go by, and kissing is still a means of showing someone how you feel. I think I should research this...and maybe other affectionate actions that may have died out.

Daddy's little girl.

got her car fixed today.
by daddy.


Daddy James, you're my hero! You're so handy!

Is it weird that I call him Daddy James, because he's my only dad, my biological one...
I'm just weird.
But my car is fixed, my parents aren't mad, and I have a whole summer to make my bitch.
=D

I fudged up.

fml.
I fucked up my car.
Took off the front bumper.
I cried for a few. When I see the dent I left after reattaching it, I get really sad.
I hate my driveway. I hate the fence I hit. I hate that I have two cars in my half a drive way.
Hmmmmm. My parents aren't mad, but I am.


set back in getting awesome....getting stupid for making the car ugly.

Last night.

I go to hang out with My friend Kyle and his friends...
and one of the best things happened.

HIS FRIEND SAID I WAS HOT!
Now this may seem like no big deal to most people, but for me, it was.
My summer is here kinda!
I don't know what I did, but I'm thinking it was the hair.

Now I feeeeeel good.

and I just got a check for 180 dollars, so I'm thinking shopping this weekend with my boyfriend is going to be just swell. Hot girl clothes here I come.
but if you read this, you should give me ideas of hot girl clothes. yeah?

GIRLS

...are mean to other girls.

I don't know why. This is pretty much the worst idea EVER. Not only does it make them look insecure, but it also makes them just seem unapproachable.

Being mean to people gets you really no where. If you think about it like I do, before you go to bed, if your a half way decent person, you'll feel somewhat sorry that you said and what you did.

We can't all be saints, so I'm not saying that girls can't be mean SOMETIMES to other girls for no reason, but I am saying maybe TRY to have a reason first, or just don't do it out in the open. This is extremely rude and childish. People think it's "being an upfront person" but it's not. Being an upfront person is knowing you don't mix well with someone, and staying away from them because you know that, not being rude and talking about the girl right there and shooting her looks.

This is why I'm afraid to talk to people sometimes. Honestly, I think it's a fear of getting attacked by a group of girls, because we all know most of them travel in packs. It's sad that I feel this way, but too many times have I seen this, and it's been vicious. I don't need anyone to rip me a new asshole, I've already got one.

Girls? Play nice, please?

I adore.

ice cream. I consume it more than I should. About twice a day.



any kind, I don't discriminate against flavors.

Even thought it's bad for me, I'm glad someone invented it....YAY!


Ice cream makes me think of hot tjommy mommy. I miss him. I want to get ice cream with him more often. I'm making it a plan.

My boyfriend Michael.

My man. This guy is the one that dazzles me. I can talk to him about everything and anything. I adore him. I was just talking to him about not knowing what to write about, and he told me to write about him...well it was more like "write about how much you want my body" followed with a winky face. So here it goes...My Blog on Michael.

He cares for his body. I think it's super sexy and I LOVE that he has nice muscles and isn't overly obsessed with working out. Like, he's just hella solid and that makes me really appreciate being close to him, because feeling those muscles is just hot. I love to hug and cuddle with him ALWAYS.

Another thing that may sound a little creepy...but not too much, is that he smells nice ALL THE TIME. I like that. I mean, who wouldn't? I just talked to him about this today, and he thought that I might have not liked the way he smelled because I didn't say anything, but I just didn't want to sound weird. Oh, and he is always dressed nice. Like, not coming over in sweats and shit, not that that's too important...but I still like it. His clothes compliment that hot body underneath it too.

Then there's the things he says. I don't know why but they just makes me feel good. He calls me babe, and it's cute to me. I never thought I would like that kinda stuff, and with him I do. I like that he texts me in the morning, and wishes me goodnight and asks me what I'm up to. He's always down to watch a movie with me, and doesn't care if us hanging out just consists of getting a slurpee. it's never a dull moment. I look forward to chillin with him always and really like that he's my boyfriend.


Michael. This was suppose to be about how I want your bod....but it's just about you in general.
But I guess all these things contribute to how I want your bod ;)

24 years.

I think it's amazing that yesterday marked 24 years that my parents have been married. And 28 years of being together. You don't see too much of that anymore. With the divorce rate OVER 50 percent now, we're going to see less and less of that. It's sad actually. When I see my parents, I just see them being together forever...I couldn't see them being with anyone else, or leaving each other. Not just because they're my parents, but because they just belong together.

How my parents met:
My mom had a yellow mustang 2, the only one like it in Manteca. She was a FOXY young thang who worked at Carl Jr.'s at the age of 19. She had long, dark brown hair, and always smiled. My dad was a skinny guy who drove a broken down car his grandma gave to him, and LOVED TO PARTY.

One day upon driving, he saw my mom's car, and decided to follow it. My mom got scared that some guy was following her, and decided to speed away so she could lose him, and she did. However, since she had the only car like that in Manteca, my dad spent countless days looking for her and her car. He saw it parked at her friends house, but still didn't know where my mom lived. He wanted to find her, and that was that for him.

Since my dad's car was crappy, it died on him a lot. One night, a half an hour after my mom got off work, she went back to get a discount on a milkshake since she had to wait to get the discount. And here comes my dad, trying to go through the drive thru, but fails terribly. His car dies in it, and my mom comes out and sees him working on it....so she helps him push it out of the drive thru. From this point on my dad made it a point to see her again. After being at common parties, they finally become boyfriend and girlfriend, and from then on, it was magic....

not really. They had many rough patches and sucked for a few years...
but what I got from this is that marrige isn't easy, and it's okay that you fight sometimes, but to marry someone who you know you HAVE to be with. I love the story of how they met since it's really funny to me, and can imagine my parents doing all those things.
it's cute.

Licensed

So me, being the new licensed driver that I am, love to abuse my privilege by doing stuff I wasn't able to do before, and doing things I'm not really suppose to do.

Tonight. WOW. My parents let me take the car, that will hopefully be mine, ALL MINE, in a week or two, and I just drove around. Ridiculous. Picked up Samantha, Then drove randomly to get Hep, then to Ripon, then to In'n'out, then drop him off, then to my house, then to do a random thing, then took that girl of mine home. That's a lot of stuff.

The random thing that I did. I'm either really stupid, really nice, or possibly both. I drove to McDonald's, and waited in a line that took forever, to get a boy that I'm not even dating, two double cheese burgers. But that's not the ridiculous part. He can't open his door in fear of waking his parents that must wake up soon, so he has his tie tied to his cymbal bag, and lowers it from his second story, so I can stick the food in there and then he can pull it up and eat it. When he asked me to do this, I kinda laughed, thinking he was kidding, and nahhhhh, he wasn't. I have never done something soooooo funny and ridiculous for someone who wasn't even my boyfriend.

I hope to embark on plenty more pointless adventures and random acts of kindness for boys late at night when I'm not suppose to be on the road.
coooooool. My license is the coolest thing that's happened to me since.....ever!
This makes me feel awesome. I"m GETTING AWESOME!