Change.

I've been really thinking a lot about change, and my changes, and other people's changes, and about everything changing. But I've mostly thought of the reasons we change, well, more of pondered them. I don't know why some people change into the people they, and I really don't know why I change into the people I become.

I've taken a year long journey of becoming a cheerleader. I did it, and everyone said it would change me, and I would be stupid to say it didn't. Yes, I did have my brief cliche time where I was being soooo typical in people's eyes. I did not base my actions because I was a cheerleader, but do think I was placed into the situation because of my "status." I almost because the girlfriend of a football player, one that never played, but on the team none the less. But I didn't want to be with him because I thought it would be "cute" or "cool" or what have you, but because I genuinely liked the idea of us being together, just as people, not as cheerleader and football player. But cheer did change me. I can now talk to girls easier, i learned about female companionship, and i learned that I really enjoy being in front of crowds. I think as a person, in general, I am the same person. I still like pokemon, i'm still kind to others, i still eat ice cream for breakfast.

but change, it's so inevitable. I want to know why people do what they do now, opposed to what they use to do. How they view life now compared to before. I want to know what changed them.

i'm sad

real sad.
Just because I feel I have no life left in me.
Cheer sucked it out. Tuba sucked it out. School sucked it out. Work sucked it out. Not sleeping sucked it out. As of right now, I'm just sooooooooo done with everything. I went to the store with my mom, and I couldn't even tell her what kinda foods I want to eat, because I'm so whatever about everything.
Seriously, i want to live.
Swimming starts on Wednesday, and cheer has about another week and a half left.
awesome. On top of that, I think i've been sick since Christmas, and won't get better until May probably. My life is so full right now.



SAVE ME!

breaking out.

and not in a good way.
I don't think I've had this many pimples in my life.

I'm so busy all the time. I get next to no free time ever. So that means no reading, no blogs, no sleep. I live to just relax, and I can't get there. It's terrible, and it sucks really bad. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm beyond tired, and I can't seem to get enough sleep ever, or even find the time to sleep.

I'm deprived of my blogging. It's making me saddd, because I had good ideas this week, and no time to write about it. I don't even know if I can do it now. it's soooooo ridiculous.

but heyyyy, swimming starts in one week. I know it sounds silly, but I'll have more of a life then than I do now. Right now, it's just practice, games, tuba, work, and boyfriend. But I'll know i"ll be done with swimming every day at 5, which means I can go home to shower and stuff and be relaxed by 6 or 6:30. I'm SO excited to have more of a life. Man oh man, i can't wait.

Accepted.

I got accepted to someplace kinda far from my home.
Far from everything I know.
Far from My family.
Far from my friends.
Far from my life.

So I can go, and do what I've always wanted to do and just get out there and start learning about people and interacting with them, and being new, and scared and feeling things I haven't before. This is possible for me now. I can go, and build my life around myself, or I can stay, and add to the life I've already built for myself. I don't know what to do, because I have about a month to decide. I have one month to decide what I'll be doing for a year starting 5 months from when I make my decision. Wow, that was poorly worded, but I don't know how to say it. But in about march, I'll have to say if I'm going or not, give an answer, but from that point, school doesn't start for another 5 months. 5 months is a lot of time for something life changing to happen, for something to happen that will make me want to stay, or for something to happen that will make me want to leave.

I guess what it boils down to is weather I want to go out and live, or put life on hold. If I leave, I know i'll be truly living, and growing up, and becoming independent, like I've long for for so long. If I don't leave, I'm only holding off on growing up, because it'll have to happen someday. Someday, I'll have to leave my house, I'll have to rebuild my life around new surroundings, I'll have to grow up and just live. I'm not sure if I'm ready for life. I'm just a little girl, 17, braces, dependent on those around me, waiting for the right time to branch out. My mom thinks I'm ready, and maybe I can do it, i just have a lot of thinking to do.

My favorite.

My mom. If you don't know, I'm very close with my mom, and I mean super close with my mom. I don't keep secrets, I don't lie, and I don't fight with her. She's my everything at this point. I really do believe with everything that there is no one who loves my mom more than me. I simply don't think it's possible. I love my mom more than anyone, anything,and everything. Someday, I really hope that I can be as great of a mom as she is. My mom is very modest, but I feel she's the best mom I can ever ask for. It's so pleasing to call her my mom, and I don't know if I'll ever love anyone more than my mom.

Today, I stayed home from school, just so I can chill with her. i've been so busy lately, I've missed her, and she misses me. I don't know if I can move away from her for too long ever. She's like my best friend, but closer.

.5 or .7?

The worlds oldest school question.


I'm just saying, it seems like everytime you ask for .5, everyone only has .7
but when you need .7, everyone only has .5


that SUCKS so hard.
I just find it to be funny that that always seems to happen.

Seems like

Mother Nature is taking a piss on California right now.

When I think of California, I think of trees, sunlight, and weather above 70 degrees, beaches that aren't closed, and shorts.

Well, as you can tell, currently this depiction of California is far from what we have now.

The worst part is having school when it's like this. If I didn't have to hike around school, I'd be fine, then the rain wouldn't bother me, but right now, it's no fun, especially since one of my classes are across the street, so the endless puddles and lakes that are now forming are killing me because there is no way around it.

Let's just stay at home on rainy days? I think so.
it's definitely the perfect day to be lazy and watch movies or something, but I have no luck there. Thanks cheerleading and school.