another lie?

but a more serious one.


I feel terrible because of it.


He makes me feel like a bully now that I know the truth, and I think this could possibly be a bigger problem then I could imagine.

lying will get you no where.
It may make you think I approve, and for the moment, I may, but when I find out the truth, i have no choice but to laugh about how stupid it makes ME feel....how uncomfortable it makes me feel, how helpless.

If you can't tell me the truth, what are we doing here? that's not ideal.

a lie.

So marcus and I are talking, and this is how he starts of a statement.
"Well, if a lie would benefit our relationship..."
and leaves it at that, without finishing it.
=[


Okay, so we all know that this statement is complete shit. There is nothing nice about this. We all think about how a lie would soften a blow of something, but that's all it should be, a thought. "oh hey, wouldn't it be nice if I could just lie and say that I DIDN'T kiss that guy at that party?" and then follow that with the thought "But I can't because that's not right. He should know." That's how it should go. Doesn't everyone have a conscience? Maybe mine is just bigger than most, but i could never be alright knowing that I didn't tell someone something that was true.

I'm big on honesty. Real big on it. If you ask me a direct question, I will not weasel my way out of it. I will be honest. This does get me into trouble sometimes, but I would rather that happen then feel the sickness in my stomach from knowing I could be better. I know right from wrong, and if i"m wrong, I have no reason to hid it, because I know it's wrong.

So would I lie to benefit my relationship? Never. NEVER would I do that, because that is not how I want to live. But first off, I don't want to put myself into situation that make me want to/need to lie. I can't think of a single situation when lying would ever "benefit" any of my relationships, and I'm sure they would have to agree too. It is not a good relationship if you feel you ever have to lie to make things better.

Of course, I'm sure marcus didn't mean for it to seem this way, but I can only wonder about his logic and how he thinks. He thinks this it is okay for this to happen, and I'm going to have to disagree.

His lie was telling me he wasn't a jealous guy, then later fesses up to it. "I know I said that[I wasn't a jealous guy], but I lied." This may not seem like a big deal, but when I asked him why he did it, like you naturally ask someone when you want a TRUE answer, he said "I thought it would worry you if I said I was, so I didn't."
Ummmm, well, I'm not dumb. I can pick up on these things. I may play like I don't realize what's going on, but I do, and I don't make a big deal about it because I don't think I should make a big deal about something someone is trying to avoid. I'm not going to push it if he thinks he doesn't have to share it. But I am aware of it being there.

I hope he can be more honest, because it sucks when you deny something, and I know what's really going on anyway, meaning I know you're not being truthful. Let me tell you, it sucks.