poem. =]

I can't promise you I'll always be slender
and I can't say I'll never be under the weather
I am not definite forever.
So If there comes a time when I break the mold that was your perfect girl
If I don't come across as the prize inside the clam, a pearl
It's not the end of the world.
Because I may seem like your safest bet, but I know better than that.
But if you decide that you're not done, and I'm still allowed around,
that a love even slightly greater will not ever be found,
I will hold no treaties, but I will always try with you.
but only with you.

about a girl.

My heart is left in a frail state. It has a case of the aches. Fine lines define how breakable it really is and no one knew that any better than you. You were the only thing that made my world go round, and now I feel I'm just stuck. I feel like everyday is a rainy day and lack an umbrella.

I remember the day, and let me emphasize the word day. Prior to that day, there were no fights, close to no days apart, and total and complete devotion. Effortlessly, I stared into your eyes, and meant every word I said, and just fit so naturally into your arms. I'm not one to believe in fate, but you almost changed my mind. But back to that day; I'm sure I just about turned blue. My breath was safely held inside my pink lungs, next to my loudly beating heart, and above my knotted stomach. I could tell you had something on your mind, and so I asked, despite me fears. I looked to your eyes, like I once so easily did, and your eyes were not level with mine. You're eyes were at the ground as you bit your bottom lip, the one that I use to bite. So my eyes quickly shifted, and all I could see was a round, black splat on the ground that looked like gum that had been stepped on for the past three months.

that's when you laid it on me, real thick. Not only did you not feel for me anymore, but you didn't because you felt for someone else. How could you go from me being your one and only, the one who you spent just about every day with, the one you spent time trying to woe, to me being nothing? When did you even have time to make sure you really even liked this other girl? All I could do is feel hopeless. No tears fell, no pleading, no hurtful words, but a soft and hallow "okay" emerged from my quivering lips. I knew this meant there would be no more lakeside cupcaking, no more late night conversations about nothing, no more telling my parents that you were different.

I felt as low as that splat. That day, the day you told me you changed your mind, the day I found out how quickly life switches lanes, and how much you really had a hold on my life, was the end of us. I can't say I'm happy about it, but it happened, and now there is no where to go but away. So that's what I plan to do, go away. The worst part was that I didn't yield to any of the warnings, and I have to live with not knowing when things went wrong. Not knowing when you started to not feel for me. I know you didn't just wake up and decide against it. Well, not that it matters now, but you've made me a fool, like I heard you've done to many others, and I just fall into the list of hopefuls that have been shot down. Funny how high school relationships work. Will it be like this when I get out? I sure hope not.

Creative writing.

my favorite class this year probably.
I really enjoy it. totally awesome.
This is something I wrote in that class one day.
Of course, i touched it up a bit.

Dear Almost.
I might have taken a chance if any possibility had remained. Even if it would have weighed out to be little to none, I'm certain I would have gone for it, or maybe even still go for it. Although now, a less naive girl than I once was, would be more hesitant to take such a chance.

I might have taken a chance if I felt that you wanted me, the way that I wanted you. There was a time, when we were both on the same page, and all the oddly shaped pieces that were our lives, seemed to just work, fall into place. However, that was then, and this is now, and all those pieces have come detached, lonely, and out of place.

I had always had hope for us. Not a day went by without a love song to tease my ears, and I was stuck thinking about you, and how if all those pieces did fall into place once more, these songs would no longer taunt my heart, but be fond reminders of what I had.
We thrived in my dreams.You were that no-op parked in my heart. I had paid the price to keep you there. Sacrificed possibilities of what I could have had, all because I had you, even if I really didn't. You kept me in on weekends. You kept me home from dates. You kept me on my stoop, awaiting your arrival, despite the distance.

Then our fate took an unsuspecting turn, for even worse. You told me you were to move even farther, thousands of miles, and as my speechless lips couldn't seem to touch, due to my jaw being on the floor from shock. As I manually bring them together with my hands, i just keep telling myself not to cry. You went from semi-intangible, to completely out of the question. And that wouldn't change, not even if I had cried all the tears humanly possible.

Currently, you are being you, somewhere new, and I'm here, being me, but missing a chunk that I had once called hope, and I know we don't talk anymore, but I don't know why you don't attempt it. Maybe you wonder the same thing. Maybe we don't talk for the same reasons. We're afraid. Afraid to think about something that could be great, but isn't possible.You're the last person I want to see at my door, and the holidays and summer scare me for this reason. I hope you forget to drop by, like you have before, and have lost hope like me. If you do feel like I do, i'm sorry because I know how bad it feels to have your heart squeezed at someone else's unintentional mercy. I wish that upon no one, but especially not you.

Always, missing you.

Pretty sad. It made me sad writing it.