Regarding the "creeeeeped" blog.

I have someone talking shit to my friends.
And really, i feel bad for that, because it's kinda my fault.

My blogs about mine and Nico's constant battle to be friends has fueled someone to make a myspace and think they have to fight battles for me. They talk shit to some of my best friends, Zach and Kevin, and apparently to everyone on Nico's top.

Everyone on Nico's top is my friend, and I think it's sad that I had to get them into this.
I'm sorry Zach and Kevin.
I'm sorry Nico.
I'm sorry to everyone who got a message.

I'm kinda embarrassed about it.
No one really deserves to get something like that over myspace, that's just dumb.

burn it.

So I have these items, and I don't know if I talked about them before, but they're items I felt like I NEEDED to burn. I needed to be done with it, so around summer, I decided to burn it, but didn't have the means to...
Well, last night, Zach, Kevin, and I went to Kevin's house and had a fire, and we burned those items. A weird beanie baby, some string, and a box that contained them.

I feel better, and I don't have to look at them anymore.
They once belonged to a friend of mine, who promised to return for them, but never did, and I'm convinced never will. I do wish for him to come back though, because that would be nice. Maybe I burned it too soon, but I don't think so. He's not coming back, and I needed to deal with it, so I BURNED what I had left to remind me of it.

I suggest you burn all the things you are hung up on....
I'm telling you, it feels relieving and does a person good.

****NOTE: This was not nico stuff. This was not an ex-boyfriend stuff. It was just stuff.

Hey, if this is your stuff, and you know who you are because it was such a weird collection of items, you no longer have any incentive to come back. Why did I burn it? Because I don't want to hold onto memories of things that make me feel forgotten.

Creative writing.

my favorite class this year probably.
I really enjoy it. totally awesome.
This is something I wrote in that class one day.
Of course, i touched it up a bit.

Dear Almost.
I might have taken a chance if any possibility had remained. Even if it would have weighed out to be little to none, I'm certain I would have gone for it, or maybe even still go for it. Although now, a less naive girl than I once was, would be more hesitant to take such a chance.

I might have taken a chance if I felt that you wanted me, the way that I wanted you. There was a time, when we were both on the same page, and all the oddly shaped pieces that were our lives, seemed to just work, fall into place. However, that was then, and this is now, and all those pieces have come detached, lonely, and out of place.

I had always had hope for us. Not a day went by without a love song to tease my ears, and I was stuck thinking about you, and how if all those pieces did fall into place once more, these songs would no longer taunt my heart, but be fond reminders of what I had.
We thrived in my dreams.You were that no-op parked in my heart. I had paid the price to keep you there. Sacrificed possibilities of what I could have had, all because I had you, even if I really didn't. You kept me in on weekends. You kept me home from dates. You kept me on my stoop, awaiting your arrival, despite the distance.

Then our fate took an unsuspecting turn, for even worse. You told me you were to move even farther, thousands of miles, and as my speechless lips couldn't seem to touch, due to my jaw being on the floor from shock. As I manually bring them together with my hands, i just keep telling myself not to cry. You went from semi-intangible, to completely out of the question. And that wouldn't change, not even if I had cried all the tears humanly possible.

Currently, you are being you, somewhere new, and I'm here, being me, but missing a chunk that I had once called hope, and I know we don't talk anymore, but I don't know why you don't attempt it. Maybe you wonder the same thing. Maybe we don't talk for the same reasons. We're afraid. Afraid to think about something that could be great, but isn't possible.You're the last person I want to see at my door, and the holidays and summer scare me for this reason. I hope you forget to drop by, like you have before, and have lost hope like me. If you do feel like I do, i'm sorry because I know how bad it feels to have your heart squeezed at someone else's unintentional mercy. I wish that upon no one, but especially not you.

Always, missing you.

Pretty sad. It made me sad writing it.

Carjack.

So I went to the mall yesterday, and upon leaving got a flat tire.
suuucks right? Now here I am, with a friend, and we've never changed a tire before. I seriously wanted to cry. But WE FIGURED IT OUT, of course after searching my car for all the things we needed to change the tired. Here we are, 9 o'clock at night, in the mall parking lot, changing my tire. Then driving home. Since it's a doughnut, I can't go past 50, or at least I'm not suppose to. So i'm going 55 on the freeway on my way home. I think I had more people mad at me in this 15 minute drive than ever. I think it was probably the funniest, most worth while experience i've had all week.

But while I was at the mall, another first happen. I was at forever 21, and there was a really long line to get into the dressing room. So I said, "hey, since when have I ever cared about anything?" so it's a dress, and I just put it on over my tank top, in front of the line of people and an ex boyfriend, and it doesn't fit. I normally wear a size small, and it would have fit, except, it didn't go past my boobs. Okay, now that's a first. I'm not big whatsoever, and this happens to me in front of a whole group of people. I fall to the ground in hysterical laughter since I can't believe this is happening to me. Well, at that point, I didn't even want to grab a bigger size even though I really liked the dress. So I just left. My ex said "most girls would be happy to bustier" and it's not that I was mad or sad, I was just embarrassed in front of a bunch of people.

Yesterday, fuckin' bomb as hell, even though I now have no dress and have to buy a new tired. I'm just saying, I'll remember it forever.

Disrespected.

Me? Of all people to disrespect.
I don't understand.

My friends, well, not even, my brother's friends asked if they could come to tag, and I said I didn't like it, but they came over. So the agreement was that they would park someone unrelated to me, and go, but then I said that I didn't like it. I didn't want them doing it around here. but this is what followed.

The guy brought his pregnant girlfriend. I invited her inside. Things go all dandy, except I'm tired and fall alseep before she leaves. When I wake up, my brother tells me that they Tagged my next door neighbor's house. WOW. FUCKIN" REALLY?
If I say I don't want it to be around my house, alright. There is plenty of fuckin PUBLIC SHIT you can tag, not people's fences. Especially right next door. I feel so much anger right now it's weird. I don't get angry like this.

This guy that is the ring leader of it all. FUCK. I use to think of him as a good, well, alright guy. But not anymore. And it's not only this that's making me think this way about him now. He's been real bad with everything lately, and here I am, trying to stay out of the whole fucking over a lot of people I know, but not anymore. I'm not going to put his dirt on blast because I once looked at him like a brother, but wow, he's no longer allowed in my fuckin' house again. Around it. Nothing.

My lesson from this. People who you once think to be great can change. All it takes is drugs, cheating, a loss of identity, and a breaking point. After that, they're not coming back, so don't expect them to respect you or anything else that is thought to be common sense.

I win.

only one side of my face is swollen...and my bottom lip.


I can't smile. at all right now because it makes me bleed.
BUTTT, I'm going to have to say, I took it like a bad ass and it doesn't really bother me.

anyway, after coming out of the anesthetics, I was a little loopy. I don't remember walking to my car. I don't remember really talking to anyone except saying, that wasn't so bad. And apparently, every time I saw my dad, I kept pointing to where my IV was. When I got home, I tried to blog about it, BUT fell asleep while trying to get on 4 times, so I went to lay down. When my parents asked me what flavor Ice cream I wanted, Vanilla or Chocolate, I said both. figures.


so for those of you who need to get your wisdom teeth taken out, it isn't so bad.

I fudged up.

fml.
I fucked up my car.
Took off the front bumper.
I cried for a few. When I see the dent I left after reattaching it, I get really sad.
I hate my driveway. I hate the fence I hit. I hate that I have two cars in my half a drive way.
Hmmmmm. My parents aren't mad, but I am.


set back in getting awesome....getting stupid for making the car ugly.

24 years.

I think it's amazing that yesterday marked 24 years that my parents have been married. And 28 years of being together. You don't see too much of that anymore. With the divorce rate OVER 50 percent now, we're going to see less and less of that. It's sad actually. When I see my parents, I just see them being together forever...I couldn't see them being with anyone else, or leaving each other. Not just because they're my parents, but because they just belong together.

How my parents met:
My mom had a yellow mustang 2, the only one like it in Manteca. She was a FOXY young thang who worked at Carl Jr.'s at the age of 19. She had long, dark brown hair, and always smiled. My dad was a skinny guy who drove a broken down car his grandma gave to him, and LOVED TO PARTY.

One day upon driving, he saw my mom's car, and decided to follow it. My mom got scared that some guy was following her, and decided to speed away so she could lose him, and she did. However, since she had the only car like that in Manteca, my dad spent countless days looking for her and her car. He saw it parked at her friends house, but still didn't know where my mom lived. He wanted to find her, and that was that for him.

Since my dad's car was crappy, it died on him a lot. One night, a half an hour after my mom got off work, she went back to get a discount on a milkshake since she had to wait to get the discount. And here comes my dad, trying to go through the drive thru, but fails terribly. His car dies in it, and my mom comes out and sees him working on it....so she helps him push it out of the drive thru. From this point on my dad made it a point to see her again. After being at common parties, they finally become boyfriend and girlfriend, and from then on, it was magic....

not really. They had many rough patches and sucked for a few years...
but what I got from this is that marrige isn't easy, and it's okay that you fight sometimes, but to marry someone who you know you HAVE to be with. I love the story of how they met since it's really funny to me, and can imagine my parents doing all those things.
it's cute.