Summer '09

So, if you don't know me, or know me well, I should share with you my summer goals. So far, when I tell people about them, they want to join me in my quest to accomplish these. My goals...

Get awesome-so I was to be awesome. This is because I'm tired of feeling lame. So how do I plan on getting awesome? Simple. Networking. I want to talk to more people, experience all I can, and basically just learn lessons so I can say that I did something other than be lame.


Get Hot- This is another one of those goals that most people don't see how I can accomplish...summer is going to be also dedicated to looking hot. This means I can't be lazy and not do my make up, or leave the house with just sweats and an old tee, or without my hair done. So I plan on getting hot by getting HOT GIRL CLOTHES, wearing make up when I go places, and always starting my day with doing something nice to my hair. Another question you might ask is how do I know this is hot? Most of my friends are guys, and I plan on shopping with them, and when we go places asking them what makes certain girls hot. This is a work in progress, so don't judge my hotness yet. By the time I start senior year though, I want to be BANGIN!


Get CRAZY- so this is just basically doing whatever I want. It's part of getting awesome. I'm not saying that I'm going to be hella drugged out or anything, but I do want to just do anything and everything that seems to be like fun. "FUCK IT, I'M GOING TO TRY THIS!"

So if I don't get these things, I'm going to be devastated. I honestly just want to become a better, more confident person. I want people to say "hey, that girl, I'm so glad I know her." So here's to summer goals and GETTIN HOT '09!

worth.

So today, I was really thinking, when you make a mistake, something that's obviously not right for you, and there's nothing you can do to make things better, why do you ask "was it really worth it?" I rarely want to go back in time to fix things, but as of right now, i think I might do it if I could right now. Now I know you're smart enough to know it's not possible to do so, but I really would love to know how it would alter who I am now. Would I be more happy? Would others be more happy? I'll never know, but i feel like I messed up. My ex and I, well, things are rough in my opinion. I just want to be cool again, but it seems like I can't escape the reality, which is that we are ex's, and friendship isn't always welcomed. I don't even know what to say about our relationship as of now.

So here's the thing, when people are important to you, how do you keep from messing it up. I feel I messed up, but at the same time, I really liked that it happened. I learned so much about myself, about him, about life, and about everything. However, I feel like it was a big mistake when i feel I can't even talk to him anymore. I know it wasn't bad, and I hope he knows that too, but I just wish it could be normal. I'm really thankful that he's still in my life, but I don't know, it's also a slap in the face because it reminds me of how we use to be. Not as in the relationship like, kissing and stuff, but as in me being able to talk to him about stuff, being able to chill with him no problem, being able to walk around together without people asking me "are you guys getting back together?"

So worth....when people ask me if it was worth putting everything on the line, my answer is always yes. I wouldn't take it back for anything. Sincerely, I apologize if You, my ex, don't feel the same way and would want to go back, but I couldn't imagine my life now without it.

we may no longer be best friends, but you're still one of my favorite people ever, when you're being nice. =]

it's true.

27 April 2009

I am pretty mature. I had someone say I'm the most mature person they know, even accused me of being an old lady in disguise, and I'm sure having arthritis didn't help my case when I said it was false, but what is it that is maturity?
To me, it's more of a thinking process. You know how to weed out the good ideas from the bad ones. You know when you shouldn't do something, but that's only half the battle. Then comes the thinking, "well, should I do it anyways just for the hell of it?" Maturity is looking out for your best interests, looking out for others best interests, and thinking through your actions not because you have to, or know you should, but because you genuinely care.
Maturity to others, well, I don't think I quite understand. From what I get from others is maturity is being "grown up" or whatever that's suppose to mean. Maturity is not joking around. Maturity is living without consulting your family or parents. I think all of this is just some warped perception of how grown ups really are. To me, it's all shit. I've seen some very immature parents, raising kids who think being grown up is being like their parents, and so the cycle of stupidity begins. If more developing people had real people to look up to, I swear the world would be a whole lot different.

So what causes people to mature? What is it that makes a child an adult, mentally? Why is it that some people never mature and are stuck in the child stage? I have so many questions, and no answers to them. I know there is probably something scientific like "the high thinking part of their brain isn't as strong as others" or some stupid thing like that, but I don't know about all that. I'm just ready to meet others who think similar to me, who actually think things through, and even though they might not make the right decisions necessarily, but are capable of knowing right from wrong, and willing to accept everything that comes with a decision. However, I'm stuck here, being "the most mature person [people] know" and making zero progress.