Heavy thinking.

I really should read through these. Here I am, thinking about stuff on my way home and talking with Hep about life and boys and girls and craziness, and I think back to a previous blog I wrote.

about my dream guy.
There's that guy that EVERYONE seems to want me to date. Nice guy. Really nice guy. But since everyone was pushing him on me, I was more reluctant to push him away. But then hector puts it to me like this.
"wow, look at the other guys you dated. Seriously, they were douches! Why did they deserve a chance with you and he does when he's so much better than them."
then I though. There is NO GOOD REASON for me not to. Like, none. Why am I being dumb? What happened to trying new things and becoming bitchin? Dude, I need to live my life. Do something different with it. Experience all that I can.


what if he's the guy? the dream guy? I said myself "it's not going to be someone that I automatically fall head over heels for, but it's someone that I will grow to love out of nowhere really"

Come on anna. Think hard! what's your next move?

Disrespected.

Me? Of all people to disrespect.
I don't understand.

My friends, well, not even, my brother's friends asked if they could come to tag, and I said I didn't like it, but they came over. So the agreement was that they would park someone unrelated to me, and go, but then I said that I didn't like it. I didn't want them doing it around here. but this is what followed.

The guy brought his pregnant girlfriend. I invited her inside. Things go all dandy, except I'm tired and fall alseep before she leaves. When I wake up, my brother tells me that they Tagged my next door neighbor's house. WOW. FUCKIN" REALLY?
If I say I don't want it to be around my house, alright. There is plenty of fuckin PUBLIC SHIT you can tag, not people's fences. Especially right next door. I feel so much anger right now it's weird. I don't get angry like this.

This guy that is the ring leader of it all. FUCK. I use to think of him as a good, well, alright guy. But not anymore. And it's not only this that's making me think this way about him now. He's been real bad with everything lately, and here I am, trying to stay out of the whole fucking over a lot of people I know, but not anymore. I'm not going to put his dirt on blast because I once looked at him like a brother, but wow, he's no longer allowed in my fuckin' house again. Around it. Nothing.

My lesson from this. People who you once think to be great can change. All it takes is drugs, cheating, a loss of identity, and a breaking point. After that, they're not coming back, so don't expect them to respect you or anything else that is thought to be common sense.

Hey...you look kinda cute.

So this is real. Yeah. My uniform.


weird? that's right. I'll have better ones up when I really have to wear it.

=]

Cheer Camp.

Different. I don't think I've ever had to be around girls so much.
it was a refreashing change. I don't know if I'd like it FOREVER, but for now it's not bad.

But anyway....I have a cheer outfit(s) now, and I have to say it makes it a little more real for me. I AM doing this. I AM doing the unexpected. I AM learning about different interactions already. I congratulate myself for saying positive, even if I'm scared as hell.


Guess what. I'll have a treat for you SOON!
Possibly...A PICTURE of me in the outfit. It'll make it real for you too!
=]
Good to be home where I can blog when I want to.
did a lot of thinking while I was gone....have some gooood topics to discuss and research.

Michael Berry. The Man. The Myth. The Legend

7/21/2009
4:46 PM
live love ride:
hi
……………………………………………………………………
4:46 PM
Anna:
hi.
……………………………………………………………………
4:46 PM
live love ride:
whats up
……………………………………………………………………
4:46 PM
Anna:
Just got home from a day out with my mom.
I'm tired. lol
……………………………………………………………………
4:52 PM
live love ride:
lol
what did u 2 do
……………………………………………………………………
4:53 PM
Anna:
Shopping for stuffffff. I'm going to cheer camp tomorrow, so I had to get some stuff.
……………………………………………………………………
4:53 PM
live love ride:
damn =)
thats hot
expecally when ur very pertty
……………………………………………………………………
5:02 PM
live love ride:
dont wana talk
……………………………………………………………………
5:07 PM
Anna:
Oh, sorry, I was talking with my mom.
ummmm, thanks?..
……………………………………………………………………
5:07 PM
live love ride:
i just wana go crazy with cheerleaders
while they r in their uniform
……………………………………………………………………
5:08 PM
Anna:
Hmmm. okay.
……………………………………………………………………
5:09 PM
live love ride:
fuck them hard o fuck yay
……………………………………………………………………
5:09 PM
Anna:
I'm unfomfortable.
bye.
……………………………………………………………………
5:10 PM
live love ride:
what?
……………………………………………………………………
5:11 PM
Anna:
uncomfortable***
……………………………………………………………………
5:11 PM
live love ride:
dont u want it
……………………………………………………………………
5:12 PM
Anna:
no. No i don't.
……………………………………………………………………
5:14 PM
live love ride:
lol sorry i was in the mood XD
……………………………………………………………………
5:15 PM
Anna:
bye.
……………………………………………………………………
5:15 PM
live love ride:
why
……………………………………………………………………
5:15 PM
Anna:
i'm uncomfortable.
I don't feel like talking.
……………………………………………………………………
5:15 PM
live love ride:
what kinda cheerleader r u =/
……………………………………………………………………
5:20 PM
live love ride:
anna
?
……………………………………………………………………
5:35 PM
Anna:
I don't feel like talking.
……………………………………………………………………
5:35 PM
live love ride:
rnt u a cheerleader tho
……………………………………………………………………
5:36 PM
Anna:
Yes, but I don't feel like talking. Regardless of what activities I partisipate in, I still don't feel like talking.
……………………………………………………………………
5:36 PM
live love ride:
to me or any1
……………………………………………………………………
5:37 PM
Anna:
What does it matter? I don't feel like talking.
……………………………………………………………………
5:37 PM
live love ride:
=/
im sorry
i just thought u were like that
becuz ur gona b a cheerleader
=/
……………………………………………………………………
5:38 PM
Anna:
fuck off.
……………………………………………………………………
5:38 PM
live love ride:
k



Well, i guess i wasn't warned that people were going to have a preconceived notion about me now....but seriously? I use to work with this guy. Before we worked together, he sent me a message on myspace about 3 or 4 months prior, and called me a border hopper, and I didn't even know him. This was the first time that I had ever been racially discriminated against. Hell, I didn't even know people could tell i was half mexican. Cut me deep, but I decided, "hey, I work with this guy, I'm not going to shun him for the rest of his life, it's not my nature. I'll forgive him."
and now, he thinks we're friends and sends me IM's on Myspace like this.
Hey dude, YOU'RE IGNORANT AND FOLLOW STEREO TYPES WAY TOO MUCH. Get educated about the world around you.

For the record, I didn't think that people became cheerleaders to "do it" with some guy to help him live out his fantasy. If this is the case, don't include me in this statistic.

Braaaaa.

Okay, so when I was trying to get hot, there was one thing that guys told me hot girls had, and that was BIG TITS.
Well, we all no I lack in that department. So i started to ask them guys i asked about "enhancers" such as a water bra, wonder bra, and the push-up bra. Pretty much they told me it was a disappointment. Well, the other day I was shopping for a new bra or two, and I tried on a push-up. Can i just say, wow, it changed my life. I've never tried one on because what if I did and I liked it....well I did like it. Hmmm. Now, should I buy one, and make people think mine are perkier than they really are, or should I just be real?


Boooo! why am i faced with such STUPID questions.

You like me?

I don't understand when guys you don't really know say "Hey, I like you!"
Huuuuuuuuh?
Based on what? I think it's for all the wrong reasons if you like me based off of my looks, or how you would expect me to act, or whatever.


Now this may just be me, but I think Hey, no, you don't like ME...you may like something about me, but not me, personally, because how could you?

Ahhhh, dumb.

Unexpected.

So from the fall of my last relationship...I can't help but make jokes about myself, as I'm sure others do too. The most common phrase associated is "wow, I sure do know how to pick the winners." So with that, one can tell I'm not too pleased with how things played out with the last guys. So I decided to try something new.


The people who pass the most judgment when it comes to me is Hector and Taylor. My brother, and friend that's like a brother. Always telling me "what are you doing with that guy, you can do so much better" or "wow, he's gay." or "don't date him, you know what he wants." This doesn't make me too happy because they tell me all my choices are wrong. So from now on....well, at least for a while, THEY are picking out my new boyfriends/boys I date. Crazy? yes. However, the upsides to this are that they have really the best intentions in mind for me and if he turns out to be a total loser, than I can blame it all on them! jk, I wouldn't do that, but that is my next plan.

So here is their line up.
Jose, the guy in Hector's band that I occasionally talk to on the internet. Nice boy from what I can tell, but really I don't feel I know him, so yeahhhhh. I feel a date with him would be awkward since we don't like, hang out....ever.

Then Frank. So Frank is actually an exboyfriend's brother. Also a nice guy, and I know him pretty well, but I don't feel we'd be a great couple. Interesting is what I would call it. He's a wonderful friend, and says I'm hot, but yeaaaaaah, still my ex's little brother.

So hector gives it to me like this "Jose will be nice to you and treat you right. Frankie, well, he would treat you right, but with profanities involved like 'hey bitch, get your fine ass over here' so you chose which you would like"

So this is what I did. I told Jose about what was going on and how these two have actually been wanting me to ask him out on a date for about 5 months now...and he said he would hang out with me, and we'll tell everyone it's a date.


Shhhhh, it's a secret.

I win.

only one side of my face is swollen...and my bottom lip.


I can't smile. at all right now because it makes me bleed.
BUTTT, I'm going to have to say, I took it like a bad ass and it doesn't really bother me.

anyway, after coming out of the anesthetics, I was a little loopy. I don't remember walking to my car. I don't remember really talking to anyone except saying, that wasn't so bad. And apparently, every time I saw my dad, I kept pointing to where my IV was. When I got home, I tried to blog about it, BUT fell asleep while trying to get on 4 times, so I went to lay down. When my parents asked me what flavor Ice cream I wanted, Vanilla or Chocolate, I said both. figures.


so for those of you who need to get your wisdom teeth taken out, it isn't so bad.

Tomorrow.

wisdom teeth are getting pulled.


ouchie, right?
well, all I have to say is I'll be sure to tell you how it goes. I've never been put under before. It's going to be weird. I hope I don't feel too bad, since I have work the next day.

Moping around.

What does it accomplish? Nothing. I spent yesterday moping around because my best friend, or so I call him, left me, ditched me, right after we made plans. So what do I do, mope. I laid in bed. I text people. And I listened to sad music.

So i'm here today, wondering...what was that for? I did it all for nothing. It wasn't going to make him sorry. It wasn't going to make me feel any less sad. And it also didn't help me in any way feel like he was any more my "best friend".


siiiiick. I wasted a day, well, night, making things worse, because when my brother gets back from hanging out with my best friend, he goes and hangs out with MY OTHER REALLY GOOD FRIEND....I was just about to text her to ask if she wanted to get deny's, and then that plan crumbles before I can set it.


While moping, I wondered, is this what it's going to be like next year? I'm so isolated because the people who I find to be important to me don't approve of anyone else, so they're all I have, and when they're not feeling like being with me, i have nothing. I hope not. I'm afraid of losing what I have right now, my friendships, however, I don't think the other end feels exactly the same.

I feel unconnected to everyone right now. I need, just as anyone else, a good friend. A solid friend. Or solid friends. A pick me up.

is this why imaginary friends were invented? The only people you find you can depend on are the ones made up in your mind? Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. They're exactly what you want and always there when you want them to be.

Origin of imaginary friends? Undependable people.

Senior year.

Yes, it's right around the corner for me. I'm thinking this next year is going to be a little different for me, actually, I know it will be. Here are the facts we are looking at.

1. No Samantha.
2. Cheerleader.
3. Little brother.
4. STUDENT PARKING LOT yikes.
5. Starting over.
6. taking normal kid classes.


Okay, so this is either going to play out to my advantage and help me get awesome, or just fail and make me bitter. I either hear senior year is the best time, or it was the worse time, and I'm really hoping for the best time. And from my understanding, senior year is when you really see peoples true colors.

So I just heard something, a stupid something, and their motive was pretty much "because it's senior year". Believe me, it's not that big of a deal. Just another year of school...and if your schooling ends there, wow, that's not good. So if you're going to say "I'm just going to [insert action here], because it's Senior year, and yeah" think about how this year makes you do something so differently. When I do something, it's because i want to do it, not because i'm at a certain time in my life.

Senior year, here I come. Class of '10, this should be interesting.

Single.

Yeahh...that guy and I, over.


All you need to know is that I experienced yet another thing that makes me feel a little closer to where I want to be at the end of my years.


siiiiiick.

Found.

I had a very hard thinking session about two or three days ago, and really just felt like I knew myself more in that moment than ever before. What I stood for, where I want to go, and what kind of things I want to surround myself with. This is what I got so far.

I'm down for human rights. I'm down for celebrating culture. I'm down for family and close friends. I'm pretty much an honest girl, a sweet girl who sometimes does too much. I care for everyone. I'm quiet to most, and obnoxious to others. I don't have enough respect for myself sometimes and have low self esteem, but when I have these good, deep think times, I see how much I need to improve how I view myself.

My life. I'm dedicating it, just as I have said for a while, to experiencing as much as I can to equip my mind with worthwhile lessons. These lessons will be used so I can be an all around bad ass and understanding person.

Family. I love my family. Friends, they're always there to cheer me up when I'm in a funk. Education, something that I have control over. These are all things that are pretty important in my life. I want to engulf myself in these things, just because I know how much I love it at the end of the day.


It's really clear to me what's going on at this moment, but soon I know I'll lose it again. However, I know it's all worth it to find myself again because it feels really good.

sexuality.

I suppose the sexual orientation of a person is somewhat personal, however, I think that people shouldn't be afraid to be open with the world about it.

I was raised in a very accepting and understanding environment. So naturally, most social factors such as sexual orientation, culture, and gender roles, can be very different from what is considered traditional, and it's all good with me. I enjoy diversity. I enjoy people being different from myself. I enjoy all people. I'm a humanitarian pretty much, and love that fact that there is such things as HUMAN rights, and laws that help protect people to be individuals and celebrate all that composes them.

So just as others don't understand homosexuality, I don't understand not understanding it, or not accepting it, or being prejudice against it. All people deserve the to not have a predetermined, cookie cutter like, perception about them just because of ONE factor that makes them. There are so many different kinds of people out there, how can one say that they will not like a certain person because of ONE thing.

Homosexuality. It is one thing that i think makes our world and social environment GREAT! It changes it up a little bit. Gives you different perspectives. I'm in support of ALL love. I wish there were more people open to this support of different kinds of love. Let's not forget that there was a time when interracial couples weren't accepted. Let's not forget that interracial couples are sometimes STILL not accepted, even in the united states. Let's not forget that DIVORCE was once NOT an option. Let's not forget that there was a time when you couldn't get a decent job when you had a visible tattoo. It's time to wake up to the real world. These are real situations, and weather you accept it or not, weather it goes against tradition or no, their presences is there, it's a driving force, and exists weather you like it or not. It'll be there, and there is no amount anything that should make one feel any hesitation to being who they are, to love whomever they please, and to be able to be open about it.

It is estimated that the world's percentage of homosexuals is somewhere between 5 and 15 percent. That's a lot of people. Let's just say it's roughly the amount of people living in the united states.

I don't think I will ever understand how people can not like homosexuals, be non accepting of them, or attack them in any way. But life goes on. The way I see it, people are just people, you can't help who you fall in love with, and a persons sexual orientation shouldn't have a factor at all when it comes to how you treat them. They're just people wanting to live life how they feel is right, no more special than you or me.

4th of july.

bad for the environment...really bad for it. Bad for OUR economy. But it's SOOOO pretty. Last night, this is what I did for 4th of july.

Stockton. I was headed for the water front, when everyone was going the other direction. I don't know if it was because they were over there, or if they canceled them, but we just followed the crowd...to the ghetto...and saw bunches of illegal fireworks from a ramp. People were bumpin' their gangsta rap tunes from their Cadillac and just shooting off their own. Let me tell you, it was better than I expected. Like, an hour of non-stop fireworks. SIIIICK. i wonder how they got that much money, because I know that it must have been quite expensive, just as anything is, but to privately fund your own fireworks...that's hard. Sooo, I'm thinkin' it wasn't a bad idea to do this.

Oh, I also went to a bbq with family then Hep came over...
=D

Patriotism.

Manteaca, Ca. The place where I currently live. YOU'RE CHEAP AND UNPATRIOTIC! I"M CALLING YOU OUT!

Okay, so if you know me well, I'm not one to be into being super patriotic, because frankly, some of my countries decisions and ignorance doesn't completely satisfy me, especially when you compare it to other countries and their standards. Such as Sweden, or I think it's Sweden. As a standard, they learn 5 languages by the time they're like, 5. Truly amazing.Why isn't the United States, the best country in the world, not living to this standard? I hear people complaining all the time about having to take Spanish in high school to "cater to the immigrants who are too lazy to learn english", when really, since Spanish is a Latin based language, it helps you with your english vocabulary by learning root words and such. I think it should be a standard to learn to sign. However, it's the united states, we're lazy...I get it.

okay, now that I'm done with that side rant, here it comes, my main reason for writing this. Manteca decides to celebrate Independence day, the most important day to American heritage, A DAY EARLY! That's right. Now you may think this is no big deal...but think about it. They did it to save money. There is nothing about that that says "I'm proud to be an American" That says to me, "I'm a celebrated American when I choose it's the right time." Manteca, you're cheap, and celebrating it on a day that is was not intended for makes me wonder...How bad of shape did our get ourselves into that puts money in front of our own heritage? As unpatriotic as it seemed to me, i suppose it's the American way.

Cameron Solis

made his own website...and paid for it.
lol.
CameronSolis.com
sick, right?

lol. So let me tell you about my buddy Cameron. I use to call him Calico...because his hair reminded me of the colorings of a calico cat. I met him at school through my bestie Christoph Norris. Cameron has a funny laugh...it's contagious. it's kinda just a fast breathing from his nose, like he's trying to hold it in. Adorable. He use to eat lunch with me, and we would enjoy student store time, but since he changed schools, we don't do that anymore.


So he owns his name....as a domain....siiiiiiiick.
Let's all learn from this. Something that may seem pointless may actually be pretty coool when you're like, 70 and surfing the web and find things from your past. Plus, he OWNS HIS NAME!
lol. Goodluck with your webpage CALICO! Just wait, it's going to be SIIIICK as soon as he figures out how to work it.