Cheerleaders.

So many people have this preconceived notion that all cheerleaders, or most, are back stabbing, manipulative, slutty, dumb, shit talking hoes. I for one, am not one to believe in this. I meet so many different kinds of people, and I would hate to put them in a category that may seems so terrible. However, I can see the ones who make this stereotype a thriving existence, I see more who don't.

Tomorrow is my first day of cheer. I don't seem to be the cheerleader type at all to most people. But I see that all the more reason to do it. I want to really experience all that I can in high school, and being a cheerleader is one of them that I think would be more than worth while. I want to feel the closeness that I hear of. I want to experience first hand that not all these girls are who you hear they are. I want to be able to tell people, "Hey, I'm a cheerleader, and I'm proud of it. I did some pretty awesome things because of it."

I'm excited to cheer for the first time in my life. I hope to learn from it. I hope to fully experience it. I hope to make friends. Most of all, I hope to not regret it, especially after spending all this money on it.

Intentions.

So what's really sad is that everyone, especially me, speculates on what someones intentions could possible be to justify their actions. Sadly, I always believe the worst possible thing. Really, it's terrible. And this lead me to my thoughts right now...if I think everyone's intentions are bad, they just might think the same about me.

But really, every action is backed with some sort of motivation. Weather it be a manipulative move, or just an act of kindness to brighten someones day, there's always an underlying plot. So things that I often wonder about are, "Why does that person want to be my friend?" Most of the time, I wonder this about guys because you are always keeping in mind what you're warned of. For example, you hear about the guy who was trying to get to you, only to get to your best friend. I hate that I think about why someone wants to be my friend. Here I am trying to get awesome, and then question people. MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M GETTING AWESOME FOR ONCE!

So now I don't feel so easy about what others think my intentions are. For example, if I want to be someones friend, others automatically think "you're trying to get at him, huh?" when actually, I might just be out on a search to find more people to help me get awesome. I like having friends, matter of fact, I would really like to HAVE FRIENDS!

This revelation made me more awesome...you know why? Who cares what someone's intentions MAY be, just goooo for it dude. Most of the time, I think I'm wrong about what I think, but I hope giving people a chance isn't one of them.

addictions.

I would really HATE to be addicted to anything really.
I was in the car with my dad today, after he asked my mom to buy him some cigarettes, and she didn't buy them. She asked "is 4.49 expensive? because I thought it was" and my dad response is "no"
Really? My dad smokes a pack a day. That's almost 5 bucks a day, 5 bucks that could be going to so many other things, like LUNCH MONEY!!! I don't get lunch money, that's my responsibility I guess, and he gets that EVERY DAY along with money for his lunch. Amazing how an addiction can really make your priorities different from other peoples.


Addictions are just time consuming, and consuming of other things such as money and patience. This makes me really appreciate the Mormons. I don't want to get religious on you or anything, but they stay away form things to prevent addiction since it's a sin, and I think this is REALLY smart, not just as a religious practice, but for taking care of yourself. YOU GOOOOOOOO!

But as I was thinking of this, and shared with someone how I would hate to have an addiction, and he DAZZLED me with what he said about addictions. He acknowledged how bad they could be, but also how he would LOOOOVE to be addicted to someones love. I had never viewed addiction in this way before. I always think of addictions in a negative connotation, and for once, I was opened up into a whole new possibility. Addictions for the better. We all need more of these. Get addicted to picking up after ourselves. Get addicted to making someone feel special. Get addicted to something that makes you better that you already are. This was probably one of my most worth while conversations this week.

It's amazing how someone can really open your eyes to something new. I live for this. My addiction? Gaining something new from the people I surround myself with, gain perspective, and find more people to DAZZLE me.

My photography.

I really enjoy taking picture.
It's one of my biggest hobbies. I always get these weird looks from people on the street driving by because I really LOVE taking pictures of flowers wherever I go. Alright, now this may seem pretty lame, but really, I take my camera everywhere, because when I see something cool, I must take a picture of it.
Here are some of my pieces.









I think it's wonderful and it really gets my juices going when I find something good to take a picture of. Yeeeeeeeeaaaahhhh, geeeky.

My dream man.

So every guy wants to know...
"what do girls want?"
I'm no expert on boys, nor am I an expert on being a girl.
But for me, I'm appreciate a few things.

Okay, for starters, there is a difference between a guy being my dream guy and a guy being hot. A hot guy for me has tattoos, tallish, tan or darker completion, longish and interesting hair, cool eyes, piercings, a little rugged facial hair, but not too much, not too skinny, muscles, especially tummy and arms, musician, dress well and smells nice. Oh, and trucks are always a turn on. Not little trucks, but big ones, or muscle cars. Okay, so that might be a little much to ask for...but one of the hottest celebs I think is Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes. I don't think I would like them as much if their front man wasn't so steamy.



Now a dream guy. This is the guy that you want to be in a relationship with. This is the guy you want everyone who's anyone to you to meet, and you're not embarrassed or have nothing to worry about. For me, it's less of a physical thing, and more of a personality thing, however, I still think someone who looks nice is kinda important too. So here it goes, my dream guy.
He should be some I can always have a great conversation with. Anyone who knows me knows how important it is for me to talk, I love it, and love hearing how others feel about things, which brings me to my next point of interest: has a standing point. In order to have a good conversation, the other person has to be able to have some kinda input on the subject. It doesn't mean that have to be smart or knowledgeable about too much, even though it's preferred for them to be some what intelligent or just not ignorant, just that they know themselves well enough to know when they agree on something or not. Another thing is knowing when being stupid is okay, and when you have to have serious time. People normally only offer one side of them, but my dream guy has to be a little bit more well rounded. Open minded to MOST things. He also has to have good hygiene. This should be a given, but if you can't even take care of yourself, then I don't see them being anything I would want to be with, especially if he's stinky. Physically, I'm not asking for too much really, just that they care enough for their body to be healthy. Someone who's caring and understanding is always a plus. Also, a hobby is always cool. Most of all, I think the biggest thing to look for is someone who makes me feel comfortable. Not only does this ensure a healthy physical relationship, but it just makes a person feel good about themselves. I constantly do things that are slightly awkward...I'm an awkward girl, and someone who makes me feel less awkward is really ideal. Not that I really mind being awkward, it's just that you feel normal and accepted by certain people, and for me that's always a little harder to find. Lastly, my dream guy is someone that I can see myself being with longer than a few months. I'm not saying get married or anything, but someone who you just know will be around for a while. Love is also need in my dream guy. I don't plan on finding my dream guy, but rather find a guy, than realizing that he's my dream guy, so don't think I'm going to be looking for this right off the bat. I'm looking for someone who I could fall in love with.

1,2,3, home.

Okay, so we've all heard things like getting to first, second, and third base.
But what do these MEAN????

I know first base is something not so bad...
and of course Home is Sex.
but all the stuff that goes along with these other bases....i'm totally clueless, and actually, more than half of the people I talk to are too. And the others that aren't clueless on what these are, all have answers that vary from the others. Great, so now I'm in a real rut. I don't know what's what.

And that brought me to this blog, Google, and urban dictionary.

So far, here are some of the things I've gotten...

• My favorite of all the answers: The four f's. In order from least to greatest, they are as follows: Frenching, Feeling, Fingers, Fucking.

• First base: holding hands, more touching, intense longing, hoping for more, mentally making plans. Second base: kissing, more kissing, french kissing, groping, hot and sweaty, boy/man gets erection, girl/woman gets juicy, feeling up all over. Third base: ok now, off with the clothes. More kissing, clutching, grinding, fingering, oral adventures all over, breathy moans, hands EVERYWHERE. WE are hot now. Home: frontwards, backwards, upside down. Many deep sighs, and a dreamy sleep in the arms of your lover.

• 1st-making out and some boob action. 2nd-fingering or hand job. 3rd-oral sex. 4th-sex or booty sex.
  

• 1st Base = Kissing. 2nd Base= Touching above the waist (i.e breasts). 3rd Base = Touching below the waist. Home Run = Sex

• First base: making out (french kissing). Second base: feeling up under or over clothes. Third base: hand jobs and fingering (3.5: oral sex) Home run: sex, (including anal)

http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/19846
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071010214020AAOVIwb
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=base&page=2

So as you can tell, there is no set answer on what these bases really are. DANG! However, i think I have a greater understanding now. Tell me if you have a different take on this...i would love to be more confused and see what your take on it is.

That song.

You know what song I'm talking about.
one that just says the right things.
For me, my "song" is the ones that talk about ♥LOVE♥ and how much it means to them.

What is my fixation with love songs. I want to be IN LOVE, like, madly, insanely, thriving love. I really enjoy heart felt songs, songs that really make you want to cry because they're so perfect, ones that you want played at your wedding, even if it's not dancing music, one that really makes you think of your someone, or something, special. lol.

Currently, I love how you love me by Neutral Milk Hotel is that song. Check it yooooo.
I actually have a list of songs that just make me want to cry everytime I hear them....and i don't know why. Waaaaiting to be in love really, I want to think of someone when I hear these songs.

Dating?

So you know how in the "old days" people would just go on dates, just to see if they like that person or not. How come people don't do that anymore? Now everything is like, an entirely different game.

This is what happens now:
Some guy sees a girl who took a cute myspace picture.
he adds her with some sleezy comment like "Aye d0h gurl, y00h noe y00h finna txt meh"
and the girl's like "OMG, did you see the way he talked to me, he's really into me"
and then they see eachother at a party and stuff is either really awkward because they've arranged something or it's just a fail.

This is what happened then:
Boy sees girl.
Boy says something nice to her to make her notice him.
girl starts putting ribbons and stuff in her hair to doll herself up.
He asks her if she would like to go on a date....and of course, in magic land, she says yes.
He does countless things trying to keep her all to himself.
she spends a bunch of time trying to keep him trying to do those things.


so here I am....being a single lady....wondering...what's appropriate anymore.
is it still okay to go on dates with many guys to see which one you like?
Or is that now cruel and slutty to do?
And since everyone does talk to people through texting and myspace and aim and all that stuff all the time, when do you stop wishing things were different and start giving into the guys trying to get at you on the internet and get past the akwardness?
I don't know dude, but I feel soooooo out of place.

How far....

so what's up with guys fascinations with "how far have you gone" questions?
really? wow. Here is what's wrong with the question:

1)There is no right answer! If there is, tell me because I would love to give it. lol.
2) It gets you no where with a girl. Nothing says you want to use her more than "how far have you gone with a guy?"....
3) It's just stupid.


I know there must be a male equivalent to this question...something they really don't like to hear like "So am I prettier than your ex?" or something. I want to know so I don't make that mistake either. lol. Not that I'm the crazy bitch that asks questions like that.
=]

Challenge.

wow, it's strange how one simple action could just make you feel sooooo wonderful.
opening a door for someone makes them feel special.
giving a call just to see how someone's been lately makes them feel important.
asking someone how their day is going, even if it's the morning, can make a heart sing.
It's very simple to put light into someones day and just make things a little better.

but just as easy as it is to make someones day, it's just as easy to break it.
we all know how it is to have a bad day,
and when it's your bad day, the least you want to hear is something mean.
Suicide can be based off of one person's actions.
One comment of "wow, get the hell out of here" or something of that variety is so powerful.
How come the hurtful things affect the heart so much more than nice things?


Challenge: Do 3 good things for someone deserving, random, and new everyday. Three separate people. It's not hard. Tell them you like their shoes. Open a door for them. Be the person that makes their day.

today.

Uhhhh, fuckin' bomb dude.
Out of class for three periods.
Princessssss.
Piñatas.
Prom's close.
the weather had sun!
and I think I'm going to start getting HOT soon.


I can't describe today really, it was just great. Just what I wanted. I can't help but sing. My soul is happy.

wonderful.

There are always people that you will never forget.
people who never fail to evoke great memories.

Really, I don't know where I would be today without my baby samantha.
I met her only a few months ago, but I would be lost without her.
I love her so much, and would be there for her whenever she needed me.
Day, night, whenever, it's always a good time for samantha.

another good person is Dj. She always makes me feel amazing.
Please, never leave me. I love your silly talks and all your freaking out.
You make me feel needed and I appreciate you.

Hep. Oh, good ol' heppy. Hector Miranda is my oldest, and dearest friend. All thought many never picture us being good friends, and sometimes we don't hang out as much as we should, I always know he's there for me. Reliable. When I'm the most down, I call him. he's not afraid of telling me the truth, like when I'm being a dumb girl, or when I need to stop crying over stupid things. Hector, you're my male counterpart, you complete me. I hope to never loose you. Although I may seem bitter sometimes, never leave me alone.

Esaies Freeman. My lunchbag. My partner. I met you my freshman year, and high school would be nothing without you. You make me yummy food and I think you are just the most amazing guy ever. Togehter, we're "'lunchboxes"' and brown kids. We're going to be friends for all time, and this I know because we have something special, unlike any other friendship I've had. It's undescribably. I love you.

NATALIEEEEEE! my butch woman. I don't even know how to start with her. You're funny, outrageous, gorgeous, smart, and an inspiration to me. Even if it took us a while to get to where we are now, you know so much about me. I tell you stuff I don't tell others. You're the first. I can never think about you without a smile on my face and a good feeling. You're my wonderful best friend and I have you always because I would never let you go. I mean, everyone has nipples right? I mean, at least one, more commonly two, and some even have three! Get over it!

Kodak Moment.

The power of a picture.
amazing, let me tell you. It's like a diary. You go back through them and remember all the good times, all the beautiful scenes, and precious moments. You know why? Because people don't really take pictures of the bad moments unless it's photography and they're making a statement in order to change a terrible situation or harsh truth. I don't think I've ever had a bad moment and thought to myself "wow, this really sucks, I best document it with my camera so I can remember it in years to come." So looking back through pictures can often bring your spirits up if you're taking the right picture. I encourage everyone to take as many picture as they can. I love pictures. I take more than I should everyday, and I don't regret filling my computer up with it at all.

Today, just now actually, I was looking back through pictures, and seeing how good of a time I had with certain people, how certain times of the year I looked more sincere than others, and how much I really appreciate my camera. Also, about an hour ago, I was at the store with my dad after I got off work, and I was taking pictures of flowers in Save Mart, and all he could do was laugh at me while people walked by, looking at me and possibly my ass crack....because I didn't care where I was, I saw something I thought I needed to have, and I had it. Pictures mean the world to me and I wish I could take that passion and do more with it. I just don't know what. Pictures are amazing and you should take some.

Occupation...

how we spend our time. Well, how I spent my time, swimming, is not over!
who's excited, I'M EXCITED!
However, now I must fill my time with a new something.
I'm going to start taking my writing more serious.
I'm going to be taking my time more serious.
I'm going to start fully dedicating myself to my summer goals.


it's about fuckin' time duuuuude.

Time.

So some people say time heals all but I'm not one of those who say or believe this.
Time is a pretty sensitive thing.
If you think about it logically, time only makes matter more complicated, more awkward, and far beyond more bitter. This is because you have time to think about the situation, letting all the anger stew in your head, in your heart, and makes talking to that person about it that much more hard. I can only recall two instances in my own life when time really did make things less bad. Don't get me wrong, I love how time passes, but really, there are certain things that only get worse as time passes. Unfortunately, I'm way too bitter myself to say anything. I'm want to go away, hide, move, get on with my life. As mean as it sounds, I don't see anything else happening for me here, and I don't see things getting better with relations here, so why not just leave and start over without having to see those people. It pains me to see that I'm unsuccessful with mending my bridges with people, but at the same time, why should it.

If someone means a lot to you, shouldn't you not let them go no matter what? WRONG! If they don't want you back, if they don't want you to mean anything to them, if you will never be anything to them, there really is no point in caring for someone who is too stupid to see that you're thinking of them constantly with the best intentions and always wishing them well. When you pray for someone every night, just to ask that they are safe through the night and have good dreams, and all you get is rejection from them. It hurts. Time makes it worse. Time only makes it more severe. Time only makes me more use to it, and not pay attention to the fact that what is happening sucks. Time only makes it that much harder to salvage what once was, and to build something new again. Time is irreversible, so I suggest that you think your decisions through, pick your words wisely, and make sure that if you care for that person who will never care back, think twice about it before you make it a habit to pray for them always, and long for their well being. Because that my friends, sucks.