Inspiration.

I loved reading this blog. It was from a really bright young lady.

=D
you should read it.

get at it.

hug ME!

So what is it that makes all humans want to be held. Well, perhaps not all humans, but most. Honestly, I think it's one of the best feelings in the world, to be in someones arms, and know that they want you to be there. You're not there because you have to be, or because that's their obligation to you, it's a choice.

I would have to say, this is something I miss a lot about being in a relationship. I mean, we all know any sort of relationship is tough. Friendship. More than Friends relationship. Parental Relationship. It's all hard to maintain and keep everyone happy. But the hugs, the cuddling, holding hands, and knowing that they WANT to do that stuff with you is something I can whole-heartedly say i miss.

So this is what I challenge you to do. So that there is less people out there who miss being hugged, and being close to someone out there, give someone a REAL good hug everyday for a week. But switch it up, like give a hug to a different person everyday. Make the hug that you give them the most desired hug that just makes them feel all warm inside.

I will be doing this as well. in one week, I will judge who gives ME the best hugs. Like, a top 5 or so. You should try to make that list, or some other person's list of top 5.

Leaving.

I'm not afraid to branch out in this world, like, at all.
I actually can't wait. I think part of this is because I have nothing holding me here. Sure, i have my family, and for some people that's enough, but for me, I often don't agree with the views and how people handle things in my household. So I think a good visit would be just fine with me. I have no friends keeping me here. I have nothing except my little, ehem, I mean big cat, kitten guy. Other than that, the place were I grew up is nothing to be proud of, nothing too special, and I can get along just fine somewhere else.

So last night, I was looking at different colleges I would like to apply to, and the thought of moving out, and just being by myself didn't scare me. I feel so alone these days. I'm without a partner. There is no one here for me worth staying for, and I really don't think there is anyone that's going to visit me when I'm gone. Maybe just to crash at my place if they're in town. Now, this is something really hard for me to cope with. I always feel so dependent on having loved ones surround me, but right now, I can't even remember what that feels like. I often feel not good enough. Second best. The side thing.

The thing that gets me is why? Why is there no one for me? why is it that the people that mean the most to me don't care for me back? or even consider me these days? Maybe I'm just too vain, but I really don't see anything too wrong with me to have no one really care how I am. I swear I'm nice. I swear I try to be friendly. I swear I'd give almost anything for the people I love. But somehow, that's not good enough for them. They must go out, find their main people, and leave me to when their number one is busy.

So picking up and leaving isn't so bad for me. I've been so sad lately. Lonely. Feeling unimportant. At least if I leave, I can just keep telling me that they WOULD be there for me if there were closer. I think that would make me feel better. Because right now, they have no excuse to my knowledge to not be here for me. It hurts, to say the least.

post-coital cigarette

Interesting.
I was walking home the other day, and some people I was walking with started talking about smoking, and how cliché it was. And the only thing I could think of was why people smoke after sex. Okay, so i've never done that, but I've seen it on TV and stuff, and thought, why do they do that? I know smoking is an addiction, but I didn't know why they did that right after sex. So I did some reasearch as I often do when I have time, about something that's boggled my mind. So this is what I came up with.

After sex isn't really the thing. It's suppose to be after an orgasm. And why do they do this? Because the chemicals going through their bodies gives them a rush, right, and basically makes you feel real good. To intensify this is to smoke because it cuts of some sort of circulation to your brain, giving you this high after. So people do this to feel EVEN BETTER after feeling good.



source: http://www.dailynexus.com/article.php?a=8679

After reading this, it also said some other silly things such as after sex game boying. lol. As silly as that sounds, I thought it was funny and bizarre and pretty much the geekiest thing you can do after sex.

you learn something new everyday, right?

Carjack.

So I went to the mall yesterday, and upon leaving got a flat tire.
suuucks right? Now here I am, with a friend, and we've never changed a tire before. I seriously wanted to cry. But WE FIGURED IT OUT, of course after searching my car for all the things we needed to change the tired. Here we are, 9 o'clock at night, in the mall parking lot, changing my tire. Then driving home. Since it's a doughnut, I can't go past 50, or at least I'm not suppose to. So i'm going 55 on the freeway on my way home. I think I had more people mad at me in this 15 minute drive than ever. I think it was probably the funniest, most worth while experience i've had all week.

But while I was at the mall, another first happen. I was at forever 21, and there was a really long line to get into the dressing room. So I said, "hey, since when have I ever cared about anything?" so it's a dress, and I just put it on over my tank top, in front of the line of people and an ex boyfriend, and it doesn't fit. I normally wear a size small, and it would have fit, except, it didn't go past my boobs. Okay, now that's a first. I'm not big whatsoever, and this happens to me in front of a whole group of people. I fall to the ground in hysterical laughter since I can't believe this is happening to me. Well, at that point, I didn't even want to grab a bigger size even though I really liked the dress. So I just left. My ex said "most girls would be happy to bustier" and it's not that I was mad or sad, I was just embarrassed in front of a bunch of people.

Yesterday, fuckin' bomb as hell, even though I now have no dress and have to buy a new tired. I'm just saying, I'll remember it forever.

A promising future.

Senior year started for me today.
different. Not really actually. My classes seems so much easier than they did last year, none the less I have to be there though. So, one of my philosophies states that one has to have motivation in their life in order to exist and actually live. Without a goal, you might as well be dead, you're going no where and doing nothing and have nothing to live for.

This year however, I don't know how many goals I'll actually go through with. I'll come up with them as I go. Basically, I just want to feel alright. That would be awesome. Motivation....you're awesome. I'm too tired to think.


ahhhhhh.
first day. weird. Cheer uniform made me feel uncomfortable. Easy classes. Lots of new faces for me. Can't wait to get this year going honestly. I need something new in my life.

Summer Evaluation.

sooo, I had high hopes of getting hot this summer.
FAILED!
DIDN'T get awesome. In fact, I got negative awesome points.
DID NOT get hot. I actually did for about 3 weeks, then lost it all.
DID NOT get crazy at all.

Negative points was for being a tool and naive due to a boy. Perhaps more than one.

not hot is from having my wisdom teeth taken out and gaining weight due to my all ice cream diet for two weeks.

not crazy is due to me just staying home and working all summer.


My summer felt short. Pretty much, I failed summer, but you know what, I think my values changed a little bit half way through. I lost my drive. I'm the only one to blame really. Buuut, over all, summer was chill.

Goodbye summer. You're one HOT momma.

Facials!

lol. I think it's cute that in Cheer they call "facials" the faces you make in your routine or whatever.

anyway. I love how people can sound mean, but if you look at their face, you know they're not. I love faces and different expressions in them. That's really the best way to tell if someone is joking or being serious. Well, maybe not the best way but the easiest way. Anyway, I think that's one of the biggest disadvantages to having a pin pal, or being blind, or paralyzed in the face or whatever, if that's even possible.

Sarcasm is funny. But I have a hard time with it sometimes because people try to look serious when they do it.

I don't know what the point of this blog was really. I just thank god for my good eyesight, even if I wish for glasses all the time and actually bought clear lenses.

=D

Tradgic times.

So I go to school today, to get my schedule and whatnot, and am so shocked as to how to economy has impacted everyone SO MUCH. Teachers lost jobs. People got moved around. Increasing class sizes. The education of my generation is jeopardized because of this. One thing that really got me was a phone call i recieved that went out to the whole district. Buses are not longer going to be available to people far away. Terrible. I can relate when not everyone has a car. Really, it's unfair to the students who may not be able to get to school safely because of being forced to walk/bike. It's a dangerous world and now people are sent walking. Another thing that was a big wake up call was not being in my AP class because they are only having one class of it, which happens to be the only period they have band. Hmmm. It's also the only conditioning class for girls basketball. Leadership. and Psychology. Unfortunately, I picked to stick with band. Interesting.

Upside to this. My year is Terribly easy. siiiiick.
and I don't have to finish those books.


=D
I'm sooo close to senior year. I can't wait to just start it already so I can finish it!

Little brothers.

Goodness! Why are they soooo annoying. I'm convinced that my little brother is the would have to be one of the most awkward, unfunny, weird, and annoying person i know. I know some pretty annoying people, but he takes the cake. I know this sounds really mean of me, but wow, he's getting bad lately. He messes up with EVERYTHING, and somehow it's my fault for not helping him with everything he needs. As if his activities and school work are so much more important than mine. He doesn't know how to joke around without being excessive, or funny even. He's a baby. I don't know what made him this way, probably how my mom treated him like he was dumb his whole life, or like he couldn't do anything. Oh well though, someday he'll grow up...I hope. Or at least find out when it's alright to joke, and how to be funny someday.

btw, he looks just like my father.

Let's burn things.

I have unwanted materials. Things that make me sad. Things that will always make me sad. I'm thinking that perhaps I'll go find other people like myself that have things they don't want to see again, and we'll go in on this together.


I will never see the rightful owner of these items again, and if I do, it won't make a difference. Burning them is for the best. It might seem crazy, but I need to do it. So it's only three things, so let's do this sometime soon.
=D
Let's do this shit.

Fire=permanently gone.
i'm silly.

Oh buddy.

What is a girl to do?
Just when I think I have things figured out, life throws me a curve ball.
I have options. I can chose two different paths at this point, but I don't know which I would like to chose. It may seem simple to most, but I feel kinda obligated to be NICE and DIRECT. So now I just have to muster up the strength to do so. And be direct about what? that I don't know what to do or what to say anymore? hahaha. I'm soooo dumb sometimes. I feel like things can wait on one path, but I think that would probably be the better one to chose. But the other one...that seems like it might be a different experience. It would be less work on my part, but it's totally unpredictable.

if things were easy, I think I would have a boring life, but right now, hmmmm, interesting. It's weird how every little thing can alter your life so much.