Leaving.

I'm not afraid to branch out in this world, like, at all.
I actually can't wait. I think part of this is because I have nothing holding me here. Sure, i have my family, and for some people that's enough, but for me, I often don't agree with the views and how people handle things in my household. So I think a good visit would be just fine with me. I have no friends keeping me here. I have nothing except my little, ehem, I mean big cat, kitten guy. Other than that, the place were I grew up is nothing to be proud of, nothing too special, and I can get along just fine somewhere else.

So last night, I was looking at different colleges I would like to apply to, and the thought of moving out, and just being by myself didn't scare me. I feel so alone these days. I'm without a partner. There is no one here for me worth staying for, and I really don't think there is anyone that's going to visit me when I'm gone. Maybe just to crash at my place if they're in town. Now, this is something really hard for me to cope with. I always feel so dependent on having loved ones surround me, but right now, I can't even remember what that feels like. I often feel not good enough. Second best. The side thing.

The thing that gets me is why? Why is there no one for me? why is it that the people that mean the most to me don't care for me back? or even consider me these days? Maybe I'm just too vain, but I really don't see anything too wrong with me to have no one really care how I am. I swear I'm nice. I swear I try to be friendly. I swear I'd give almost anything for the people I love. But somehow, that's not good enough for them. They must go out, find their main people, and leave me to when their number one is busy.

So picking up and leaving isn't so bad for me. I've been so sad lately. Lonely. Feeling unimportant. At least if I leave, I can just keep telling me that they WOULD be there for me if there were closer. I think that would make me feel better. Because right now, they have no excuse to my knowledge to not be here for me. It hurts, to say the least.