To show you the different between the two.

Oh hi.
Uhhh, so where do I start.
These past probably, three or so weeks, i've been tired, stressed.
Okay, so I'll tell you what's up, because I'm convinced hardly anyone reads this anyway. Except Mixy every once in a while. THANK YOU! lol.

Guy number one. Matt. Oh buddy. Well, he is that football player, that comes off like a d-bag. He's a junior, real tall, and pretty into me. The things I like about the idea of being with him is:

• He goes to my school. I see him there a pretty good amount. It's nice, and I like it because if we don't see each other after school, I still get to see him.
• Things seem so effortless with him, natural. He's like "hey, let's hang out for an hour of two" and I say okay, we hang out, and I go home, and things are cool. I feel like i don't even have to try at all to make things work, they just do.
• He already treats me like his girlfriend. We're pretty much like a couple, in every way just about. It feels good.
• Something really draws me to him, and I don't know what it is, but it's there. It's strange.
  

• He's convenient. Picks me up. Works around my schedule. Knows how to chill without over doing it. He's just there. Just a text away from a conversation.
• I know it would be work on both parts of this relationship, but I feel it would be kinda equal work. We're honest with each other about what's going on in our lives. I feel super comfortable with him.
  

The BAD

• He seems like a total DOUCHE BAG. He's into himself. Total jock really. and sometimes I feel he's insincere with some of his words.
  
• He asks me to go out places, like ice cream of food or starbucks, and of course I say yes, and he makes ME PAY. And not just for myself, because that would be no problem, but he asks me, then has me pay for everything by asking right before he orders "you got me, right?" Yeah, it's wrong. But what am I suppose to say, no? because It would be rude to eat in front of him and not get him anything. I've talked to him about it, and he still continues to do it, and I told him it's a sensitive subject for me, and doesn't seem to phase him.
• Something inside me says to be scared of him. The possibility of a relationship. Like, this guy has the possiblity to really mess up my life. He and I hang out just about everyday, and honestly, if he was just to up and leave me, I would have nothing. My friends are gone, and the ones that aren't have lives. I need him to be reliable, and be there for me because I feel he's all I got.
  
• he's putting my wallet through stress. Seriously. I'm not very stingy with my money, but I don't have the money to be taking him out three to four times a week.

Then there's Jose. Total sweetheart, he's in Hector's band, adorable, and just all around awesome. It's weird how we met, but it happened, and now we're here. For a while, Jose was the only guy I wanted to date. I solidly adored this guy, and really couldn't wait for us to ACTUALLY be official. To spend more time together, all that good stuff, yanno?

the good

• Jose and I are like THE SAME PERSON. We listen to a lot of the same music. Dress kinda similar. Have the same view on most things, all things if I can recall correctly. We are pretty much the same, and that's cool.
• The biggest sweetheart you'll ever meet. He's always asking about my day, telling me how much he adores me, he's there to listen to my problems, just a real good guy. I would be crazy not to admire this about him.
• I have zero doubt that he wouldn't leave me for a stupid reason. I have a feeling that he would be here to stay, and that's real reasuring.
• I really don't see Jose and I getting in a fight, like, ever. He's real understanding. He would care if I wanted to chill with my best friends from out of town instead of him every once in a while. I just can't even imagine what we would fight about.
  
• He's super respectful and real chivalrous. Like, offers to pay for stuff, cross you across the street, gentleman status. it's great.
  

The bad

• Jose and I established that we wanted to date, and that we were interested in each other about three months ago. and ummm, nothing really happened. We hung out a few times, and there was a brief holding of hands when we crossed the street, but that's about it. I felt like all the things he said were good, but when we would be together, he really only wanted to be friends.
• This relationship is super safe. I know he likes me, and I know I could be content. But I have a feeling that I wouldn't feel like things were exciting, or new, or anything like that. I would feel stuck, even though I wouldn't really be. There's nothing wrong with safe, but just knowing him to be around isn't really enough for me.
• This relationship seems like a lot of work on my part. I know all relationships require work, but I feel this one would be a little bit more one sided, my side. it's been this long, and he hasn't really showed me much of him liking me. So I would have to be the aggressor, which isn't my thing. I would also always have to be the ride, probably the decision maker for everything, while trying not to feel stressed about doing so much work.
• He only sped things up when I told him that Matt tried to charm me away from him, and that is was starting to work. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days after I told him, and then started to ask about making plans and stuff. I kinda feel like the only reason he did this is because there was someone else, not really because he wanted to. Insincere.
  
• I've been SO frustrated in just wanting him to sweep me off my feet, and just make me all his, and him all mine. Like, i waited a long time, and now it just frustrates me to think about all that time that went by, with nothing really happening.
• Jose and I only see each other like, once every two weeks. He goes to EU, and has other obligations. Yeah, I do too, but I still feel more available than i think he is.
• Sometimes, I feel he says the things I want to hear, because we don't really disagree on anything. What if he really doesn't see things the way I do, and just says he does to "get on my good side."